Too Afraid to Sleep

Have you ever felt too afraid to sleep? Or maybe too anxious or worried to sleep?

It’s not a good feeling. So on this scariest of days, it might be a good time to talk about what to do when you’re feeling scared or troubled or agitated and you just can’t fall asleep.

One of the most frustrating obstacles to sleep you may encounter is the vicious circle of being too anxious to sleep, so you lose sleep, which makes you less able to deal with or even solve what’s making you anxious in the first place. And around we go.

Losing Sleep is Never the Answer

Lack of sleep lowers our ability to problem-solve. It makes us less patient, and more likely to lash out or make rash or unwise decisions. Worst of all, it makes the things we are scared or anxious about seem that much worse than they really may be because our perspective is compromised by lack of sleep.

And we need perspective. We need patience – with ourselves and others. We certainly need to be able to think through what we say and do, and how we plan to move forward in this world that does seem to be getting scarier and more worrisome.

The first thing to try to remember is that not sleeping is not helping you, and it’s not helping anyone else either. You may think you need the time to cogitate on problems. You may feel it’s your duty to worry about people or situations in your life, or the world.

Lying in bed late at night is not the time to think through your challenges. Yes, you may need time to do that. But not at bedtime. And it’s not your duty to sacrifice your own rest, peace of mind, and even your health so you can worry about…everything. There’s plenty to worry about for most of us. There are things that are genuinely frightening at some points in everyone’s life.

Losing sleep does not help. Ever.

Talk Yourself Into Letting Go…to Sleep

It may sound goofy. You may want to brush this off…say you can’t do it…tell yourself it will never work. But it’s worth a try and is often quite effective.

Just relax as you lie in bed. Get as comfortable as you can. Breathe deeply and slowly. Now, tell yourself that you can think about all these worrisome things tomorrow when you are better rested. Remind yourself that you will be better able to deal with everything when you’re not exhausted and sleep deprived. Repeat to yourself that the likelihood of your solving this lying in bed, right now, is slim to none.

Give yourself permission to put it all aside – just for now – and get the sleep you need to function at your best tomorrow.

You can even give your brain commands. Use your own name! Say it out loud if it helps!

“Olivia, it’s time to go to sleep now.”

 or

 “David, put those thoughts aside and let yourself go to sleep.”

Our brains actually do respond to directives like that, even though it sounds strange to us. You can repeat it several times if that helps. You can have your partner say it to you and you do the same for them.

Retrain Your Brain for Relaxation

You can reinforce those messages by visualizing yourself calming down, letting go of fears and worries, and sliding into a deep sleep. Try to be very detailed in your visualization. Remember that your brain can’t tell whether what you’re experiencing in your thoughts is a memory, or something you’re worrying (or fantasizing) about happening in the future. Your brain believes it is all happening right now.

The great thing is, you get to decide to tell your brain what is real and take control of how you’re feeling. If you can do that, you may find that falling asleep is much easier, even when you have fears and worries.

If you need a little help redirecting your attention, sometimes relaxation music can help.
Try this one for some slightly spooky but still somehow calming Halloween slumber.